New Year's Resolutions: Watch Us Keep Them in 2010

Here's a little something I recently wrote for the Me Without Measure Newsletter:

We’re quickly approaching the year’s end and it’s time to start reflecting on the positives and negatives that 2009 had in store for us.

As repeat offenders most of us are guilty as charged in terms of making and breaking New Year’s resolutions. We all actively engage in illustrious promises to ourselves…only to forget about them come February. The one thing most New Year’s Resolutions have in common however is that these brainchildren become orphans only a few weeks subsequent to their birth.

May I therefore offer you some guidance in regard to making and for once not breaking the healthy changes you wish to include into your future lifestyle?

I recently interviewed an expert on the subject, Dr. Michael Vallis, a health psychologist at the Queen Elizabeth II Health Sciences Centre in Halifax, who laid out seven ground rules to consider while preparing for one’s New Year’s resolutions. Like everything in life honest resolutions involve careful consideration and planning.

The first thing that gets in the way of executing lifestyle changes…be it gaining weight, loosing weight, exercising more or quitting smoking…is hope.

We live in a media dictated world that fantastically suggests that we can have anything we want NOW! Dr. Vallis warns us, “we are all repeat offenders because it is human nature to long for things that we don’t have and we live in a society that promotes the idea of rapid dramatic change (when reality is that much change is slow, gradual and more subtle than dramatic).”

Bigger, better, faster, easier flies into the face of reality and our resolutions for a lifestyle change is out the window, faster than we can say the word HOPE.

Dr. Vallis went on to explain to me that the biggest hindrances to our New Year’s resolutions are in fact our unrealistic expectations as well as the little detail that we “tend to bite off more than we can chew”. Sound like you? Certainly sounds like me!

Set yourself up for small goals…don’t jump from not working out to working out seven times a week. Don’t plan to gain or loose 30 pounds, but start with 5 pounds instead.

You’ll have much more occasion for celebration when you reach your steppingstones on your way to achieving that milestone you dream of.

Most importantly be sure to have meaningful reasons for wanting this goal.

Loosing weight in order to look like Meghan Fox is sure to backfire…because guess what…even if you reach her weight…you still will be and look like you. So don’t set yourself up for sure disappointment.

In the end ensure that you award yourself for meaningful accomplishments. Be sure to tolerate the work and sacrifice involved in achieving your goal and finally, “make the new behaviour part of your self-esteem. Humans are principle based and will work hard to stay true to their principles.”

I strongly believe if you take these considerations to heart that your new lifestyle’s waiting for you just around the New Year’s bend.

Good luck and enjoy your new year's preperations!

Smiling…dr eyecandy

All Rise For True Fulfillment

I feel that today is a good time to explore my value system...on that note...thanks for the empowering comments that some of you sent me regarding my last post "I will dare to just do what I do and just be who I am".

Thus far my life has been far from conventional...I've always been too loud and too intense for my environment...often feeling that the initial thing that attracts people to me is the exact thing that repels them later (although somehow this is only ever true for the females in my life).

In the end though, it was this character trait, this intensity and the ability to find joy in every niche that helped me succeed at the single most important thing I've done in my life...tending to my best friend of 21 years during her 3 year cancer struggle...sticking by her side...bathing her in friendship, unconditional love and laughter...making sure to breathe her into me so that she'll now be with me until my final sunset.

I struggle to understand why I got "advice" from every corner: "You need to take care of yourself now", "You need to work at you career", "You need to learn to compartmentalize", "You need to not let it get to you", "You need to learn to take yourself back, give less...or you will loose yourself".

Granted...people who love me were concerned for my well being...but I feel that many of them simply never understood.

They interpreted my skipping from one job to another during this time as me being uncommitted...when really the sole purpose of all of those jobs was to silent their voices and concerns for me.

The one thing I was committed to was my best friend. Period! That was the one responsibility that I didn't give up on...that's where my energy went, where my heart was. I could have cared less about any of the so called "career moves" that seemed to mean so much to every one else.

I often felt that being there for my best friend...because it didn't pay and I later wouldn't receive a letter of recommendation...wasn't valid in the "real" world.

Coming from people that could spend an entire evening complaining about how terrible their day was because their printer didn't work, or that used each breath to share how much they hated their job...I tried not to let their voices resonate with me...though it put me in a constant mode of justification.

It seems that most people are so set in abiding the terms...that they forget what's truly important. Of course "important" is a term uniquely defined for each of us...but in my life it has always been defined by interpersonal relationships.

The people I love are what make my life count! When I listen to the complaints around me...most of them could be cured by individuals daring to follow their heart and not sacrificing their dreams for the monetary values and "social admiration" that the cookie cutter life pretends to offer.

Sure! I'm responsible for affording my life...but am I not equally responsible for defining my values and living the life that I enjoy living. After all there's only this one life for me to live.

Why do many of us put so little trust in ourselves? Why are we so quick to doubt our gut feeling about what works for us and what doesn't.

Someone very important in my life recently said that I don't stay committed to the things I do and thus jump from one thing to another...always searching...for what exactly?!

It hurt me to hear, but it also made me reflect...

Isn't it true that there are only a selected few who are born with a vivid picture of the "doctor" or "lawyer" they'll be one day and don't I have the right to explore my options in search of what it is that fulfills me?

Sure I've changed professions a lot. I have done it all...from heading NIVEA market launches, VIP red carpet coordination for DISNEY, babysat Basement Jaxx and Akon during the Soccer World Cup, as well as probably any other job you previously didn't believe existed.

But by deciding they weren't for me and acknowledging that they didn't fulfill me I made a daring call to stay true to my principles and to pursuing my ultimate goal of finding a profession that suits me.

It's the one true luxury goal I pursue in this life...it's the one I've chosen to afford.

At the end of the day, true beauty to me, is being the one gorgeous pink flower that gets covered by a blanket of snow, while all other flowers have gone with the flow and dropped their petals just because that's what roses do when winter comes.

Smiling...because it's an exciting, though difficult journey...dr eyecandy.

I Will Dare To Just Do What I Do And Just Be Who I Am

After all that's what I do best!!!

As we are quickly approaching the end of 2009, I can't help but drift off into that parallel universe of self reflective mode. Who am I? What do I want? Why am I here? And Where am I going?

I usually blame this state of mind on the dark and gloomy winter days in Berlin...but since I'm currently inhabiting sunny Alberta I can't very well put it on the weather this year around. There's glittering snow on the ground, which is beautifully offset by the dark blue sky...and my brain wheels are racing nonetheless.

For a large part of my life I found myself chasing after the elusive goals that society set for me...trying to fit a mold that my mind and body simply refused to squish into.

Social demands, as far as I'm concerned, restrain me...they lower my creativity, my love for life and somehow also, my love for myself!!!

Study successfully and develop your knowledge...agreed! Look after your health...check! Fit the media dictated beauty ideal...uuhhuummm...ya no! Work at a sky rocketing career and earn lots of money...if that involves an office job and a nine to five schedule, slaving away at something that in the end wont make the world a little bit of a better place when I switch my desk lamp off...it's simply not for me and frankly investing time in something I'm not passionate about is really too big a price to pay regardless of how much someone is willing to give me!

Other than being skinny, thus "fabulous", earning lots of money, seems to be the one other goal that everyone's racing towards, stumbling over their own feet, stepping on others while often losing the focus for what's really important.

According to the little universe I inhabit, most of the artificially crafted and commonly promoted "life goals" are severely overrated. Make lots of money! Why? So I may buy a lot of meaningless things that in the end only leave me feeling like I need more meaningless crap only to discover that none of it ever actually succeeds at warming my heart? No thanks...tried it...didn't work for me!

Having a stellar career that doesn't actually fulfill you is like that elusive 120 pound mark that many of us feel would make us a happier and more desirable person!!! Well guess what...not to burst your bubble...but when you get there it never feels as good as you thought it would and doesn't actually fix anything that wasn't already happily intact before.

In my eyes, true beauty is defined by someone who lives their life with passion and purpose...who shares their laughter with friends...is confident about their way of life...keeps their heart wide open...and their senses switched to receptive mode!

So for the time being I've decided to do what I do best...I'll dare to keep doing exactly what I'm doing...I'll write...I'll teach Pilates...I'll tend to my friends and family and focus a lot less on material and elusive goals that the western world seems so keen on selling as being equal to happiness and success. For me...they're not...and that's that...it is what it is!

Smiling...because it doesn't cost a thing and gives me high emotional returns...dr eyecandy.

Light As A Floating Feather

nydailynew.com reports "Brittany Murphy talks about being too thin in last interview before death with Fox News' Pop Tarts"

Whatever the reason for her recent departure, the talented Hollywood starlet supposedly stated, "I am a bit thinner now than what I would like to be," Murphy, 32, admitted to Fox News' Pop Tarts at an event just 2 ½ weeks before her untimely death Sunday."

I certainly hope that her rail-thin figure had nothing to do with whatever drew her curtain at such a young age.

Cardiac arrest may indeed be a body response to a serious eating disorder...the grey number of girls who have lost their lives to this dangerous side effect of bulimia range into the thousands.

In no way would I argue that this is what happened...but people have speculated this option as a theory to include as a likely cause...until the true reason is determined it will stay on the list of possible causes of death...

Unfortunately one of Bulimia's ramifications is indeed cardiac arrest:

"The most dangerous health risk posed by bulimia is cardiac arrest or heart attack due to an electrolyte imbalance of the mineral potassium." (princeton.edu)

Few sufferers realize the danger that bulimia poses and I feel that it is important to get the word out there. It's a real risk and it threatens all those who choose this dangerous body weight control technique...it's not a fix...but a serious illness that poses a real danger to your health and your life!!!

Saddened by the fact that such a young vibrant woman has checked out forever...whatever the reason may involve...dr eyecandy

Merry Christmas

For the moment being I've retired from the ski hill after a 3 hour lesson with both my dad, my sister and Charlie, our ski instructor here at Sunshine ski resort in the gorgeous Rockies of Banff.

Unfortunately an old knee injury has forced me into an early time out.

Lounging out in front of the fireplace...ski boots off...enjoying a large dark hot chocolate and an almond biscotti the size of my head...life could certainly be worse.

Gazing out the panorama window at the sharp edge, where the snow covered continental divide meets the dark blue Albertan/British Columbian sky...I'm reminded of the heartfelt emotional slopes 2009 had in store for me. Without question it's certainly been the toughest year I've encountered to date...thus far, up until a few years ago, I had been one of the lucky few who actually inhabited a small sheltered universe...and blissfully so.

Regardless how I twist and turn my reflections in the bright winter sun, I find it difficult to find the shiny side of the coin. I need to accept the fact that indeed life is not always fair...in fact...sometimes it is tremendously unfair!

Not only did my group of friends lose one of its brightest smileys on the ill fated french bird that got swallowed by the giant puddle...but I also said my final farewell to my best friend of 21 years, who I lost to the beast that grew inside that lovely bright head of hers.

In retrospect it appears that this year's flowers refused to bloom, birds forgot to sing, while the sun all to rarely shone through the clouds...so deeply hidden that I missed the enchanted purpley orange sunsets that often allow me to forget the world around me.

It's this overpowering mental and emotional pain that forced my hand to release the words from my heart...I write, therefore I am!

Dreyecandy.com being just one of the tools...though the most important...to get me, my mind and my heart unstuck!

It's a daily effort to take the 'glass half full' approach to life. But it's an effort that I owe to myself, to the people I love, the ones that love me and most importantly to the friends that had their curtains drawn before their day!

Losing myself in the clear blue sky reminds me how thankful I am...spending Christmas in this awe inspiring setting...my heart beating strong, my lips and eyes remembering how to smile...with two of the people that mean the world to me.

Wishing all of you a very merry little Christmas with your loved ones!!! Thank You all so very much for all of your support and friendship!!!

Smiling...because up here in the mountains I am so close to those I miss most this holiday season...dr eyecandy.

True Beauty: Deeper Than The Eye Can See

Mandisa's True Beauty (subscribers please click here to view the video on dreyecandy.com)



Smiling...dr eyecandy

An Early Christmas Gift

I just received a wonderful comment and here it is for you to read:

"Happy Holidays! My name is Lisa Hope and I am the assistant editor of Disorder.org. I am contacting you today in hopes of developing a strategic partnership with your website; we have seen your site and think your content is great. Disorder.org is an online gateway for people to find information regarding disorder diagnosis, symptoms, and treatment -- and is continually adding content. More specifically, Disorder.org is starting a campaign to promote awareness about eating disorders of all types. If you're interested in a partnership, please contact me at lisa.disorder.org@gmail.com."

My answer, dear Lisa, is YES, YES, YES!!! Anything to further our cause.

I began writing dreyecandy.com from the very bottom of my heart and I hope to share my content with anyone it touches! It's my own little NGO...my hobby that is more than a hobby...it's a passion! I'd rather be broke and write (like I do now)...than have a chalet in the mountains and stay silent about our current body, mind and soul crisis.

Smiling and heading for Banff today...hopefully I'll be connected so that I may get a chance to wish all of you a very special holiday season...dr eyecandy